Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
