fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
