No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
