Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
