it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
