it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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