I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
