haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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