my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
