he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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