If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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