come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
