I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
