can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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