Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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