I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
