my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
