Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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