There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
