Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
