Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
