I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm at about main and main street
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
