i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
