I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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