You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
