I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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