now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she told me i tasted like america
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
