The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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