You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
