It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
