OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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