There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
