Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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