Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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