Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
