I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My life is pants optional.
You don't make any sense
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