Umm I'm too high to move.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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