maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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