Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
