using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize