I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
