it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
