Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
