Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
