don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
