i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
