I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
