HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
two words...techno handjob
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
