Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
