Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
