I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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