her vagine was all disorganized.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
