This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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