Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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