Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize