i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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