I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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