my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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