I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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