her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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