i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
