I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
