I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I didn't notice because vodka
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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