I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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