Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
