Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
