How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
