I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
