I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
