In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
