Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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