You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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