i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize