I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
