Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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