just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Drunk is not a location!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
