U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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