how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I can tuck mytits in my pants
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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