I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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