Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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