When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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