You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
