i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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