woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
