oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
