this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
