Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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