can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
