Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I still have a little drunk in my system
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
