This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize