I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
