My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
