god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize