Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
