You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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