what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
