you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
