By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
only if we run a train.
done.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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